It's what you make of it

Poonaam Uppal's book - A Passionaate Gospel of True Love : A Mystical True Love Story deals with a sensitive subject that begs the question whether it is right to have pre-marital sex or not!

While all the questions on "morality" beg a simple yes or no answer, time and again, it is proved that it's usually the context that is important in deciding these questions. Is something good or bad, on its own, it's neither, yet it can be both based on the context.

Is Chocolate good or bad? Well it may be bad for you if you are diabetic, but if you like it and it puts you in a good mood, it's good for you. A limited consumption ain't for sure going to kill you and if it gives you immense joy, so nothing really wrong in it.

When dealing with matters of morality and in cases lack of it causing crimes, the talk is always about the incidents and their correlations and link them. However, it is pretty common folly to no realize that Correlation does not imply causation. (All the people who get divorces are married, does that imply marriage is main reason for divorce, it's good as a joke but inane as a conclusion) So, there we fall in the trap of blaming the "circumstantial" and not looking at the core. You see a rape incident by a driver employed by uber and you ban them! If a rape happens on road, would you ban building road, or if it happens in a house, will you ban houses? It's simply confusing the root cause, it was just circumstantial that the rapist happened to be a driver and was destined to face the situations where he just lost it, but the root cause is within him, not in the cab. Sometimes, if it's really the medium that makes it easy to do some crime, it may make sense to use a stopgap arrangement of making the medium hard to get or illegal, but the real treatment still needs to happen within. The real change should always come from something deeper.

The same logic can be applied to the question of pre-marital sex. Is it good or bad, it's neither without context, and it is both with some context. It is easy to dole out advice regarding it either way. There is one extreme, the right wing as it's known, that will bring in the question of our culture, modesty, the traditions and what not, to substantiate their claim that practically anything pre-marital is wrong and should be condemned. To them, I say, if all the people involved are happy, then what is the problem, as long as they know how to handle it and not trouble anyone for it, seems like a harmless exercise for everyone involved and how to take it forward is none of anybody's business. 

The other extreme comes from the "liberals" who will go to extra lengths to justify and even glorify it and can often go overboard. A case in point is the recent "Kiss of Love" campaign which started as a protest against moral policing and protesters felt completely justified in displaying "A" rated content on roads with no regards to who might be watching them. And among those liberals I am sure there are many who go astray or spoil their lives just because they couldn't handle all the liberty they got. To them, I would say, a little restraint will do you good.

Having spoken from both the sides, it is always a decision to be taken at an individual level. If you can handle it, go for it, if you can't, stay away. There are many other areas where there may be long standing evidence scientific or social to put a black or white label on it, but this is no such matter, far from it. So, the only answer I can offer you is in the form of a question, can you handle it?

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